For a long time I felt resentment towards my husband because it seemed that he was going out, playing golf, having the time of his life while I was stuck with the kids. I felt unrecognized, unappreciated and disrespected for all the hard work I was doing. I felt sorry for myself.
Then I met an older woman who pointed out that I was actually resenting myself and by feeling resentment towards my husband was keeping me in victim mode.
She asked what was stopping me from going out and enjoying myself and I said the kids of course. Then she asked what was stopping me from getting a baby sitter. I had no answer and I realized what she was trying to tell me.
Waiting for my husband’s approval and appreciation for the great job I was doing was weighing me down and preventing me from being happy within myself for the time I spent with the children. I expected that from an external source instead of counting what I was doing for myself.
What also became apparent is that never told my husband that I also wanted to have some time of my own. I expected him to read my mind and know my needs without telling him! This was such an a-ha moment that dissipated the resentment permanently. Where before I thought to forgive him for neglecting me, suddenly there was nothing to forgive!
The other realization was examining my intentions for attending to the kids. Was my intention behind it to get approval from my husband or was it because I wanted to mother my children. Once I realized that my big why was to give the best of me to them any approval was irrelevant.
What this came down to was that I felt I was missing out on fun where as what I was missing out on was giving time to myself and doing time for myself to have my batteries charged. We came to an agreement that allowed both of us to have fun time and we decided to spend time together as well.
This reminds me of the story that when you board a flight somewhere, the air hostess announces that should the cabin pressure change drastically, oxygen masks would drop down automatically from above. Then she stresses that it is absolutely crucial to put an oxygen mask on to your own face first, before you attempt to assist someone else, because if you don’t put on your oxygen mask first, you won’t be able to help someone else.
Make a pamper list of things, people or activities that would ensure you paying quality attention to yourself and include these into your weekly, preferably daily schedule. Also make sure that some of these activities be time spent with your partner.
Here is a checklist if do you feel resentment again. Ask yourself:
- What do I want?
- How have I voiced my expectations?
- What am I expecting from X that I am not giving to myself?
- What can I do to give this to myself?
- What do I need to do for myself to prevent this from happening again?
Remember, give to yourself what you expect from others. Make your pamper list today and keep it handy to indulge in your enjoyment.
To learn more, get your free Own Your Greatness Meditation on my website.