So often (actually most of the time) when we have a relationship problem or any problem for that matter, we can find ourselves going round and round in circles trying to find a solution. We think up options to solve the problem and they just don’t work.

Why? Because you cannot solve a problem with the same mindset that created it and this is what Albert Einstein said. That means that you come up with options from your current mindset. And trying to do it harder and get nowhere is a sign of insanity. Did he say that too?

Your current mindset has blind spots – everybody’s mindset has. We cannot see what we cannot see. You cannot see the picture if you are in the frame. So you need to get out of the frame so that you can look at the real picture. Of course brutal honesty is key here and if you can do that it would bring about real insight and breakthroughs.

When you do run out of options it can be a lonely and desperate place. Talking to a friend about it will result in you getting advice from her experience, meaning her mindset. She may have a more objective view than you if she is not in the picture, but it is still her perspective with her own blind spots.

What makes it challenging to solve relationship problems is that a business-mind analytical approach does not work, because relationship problems originate and result in emotions and that can compromise your objectivity and paralyse you taking resourceful action. Not that other problems don’t. The thing is that even though you may be a successful business owner or corporate professional, you are still a human being and the context of business differs from personal.

So what to do? Here are some tips to improve your relationship problem-solving skills

1. Acceptance
Before you do anything worthwhile is to accept the situation without judgement or blaming. This means that you take responsibility for the problem. Once you accept something you have the power to change it.

2. Look for the Solution
You know what the problem is so get focused on the solution. That means to actively look for the solution and not to keep mulling around in the problem, as this will keep you stuck and inhibit your creative mind to come up with a solution.

3. Step Back
Practice stepping back from the problem. Look at the situation from the outside. See yourself and your partner as actors in the situation. Look at your behavior, your intentions, your facial expressions, your tone of voice and see how that contribute to the problem. Examine what you were thinking and ask how you can look at this differently. What else could it mean?

4. Shift Perspectives
Stepping back is already a shift in perspective and perception. Now also step into the your partner’s shoes and become aware of what he is experiencing looking at you. Here you are looking at your behavior through the eyes of another. This will give you valuable information about the situation and insight to a solution.

5. Powerful Questions
Become quiet, breathe and connect with your Inner Guide and ask these powerful questions. Be quiet and listen. You will get answers.

  • What have I learned from how I have contributed to the problem?
  • What can I do differently that would contribute to solving the problem?
  • What new options do I have now?
  • What is the best action to take that would move me to the best outcome for all?

Disempowering Question
Great questions can create miracles. There are also questions that will get you nowhere and keep you stuck in the problem.
Why is this happening? Asking a Why Question about a problem will only give you reasons that will perpetuate the problem and disempower you to solve the problem.

Try these tips with a current problem you have and let me know how it worked for you. Leave a comment below and if you found it valuable please share it to your friends.

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